Uhm, it really doesn’t look good on you
Some of us don’t always see it.
We wake up late, throw on a pair of pants and grab a shirt and start walking out the door. If you have a roommate or a spouse who loves you, you want them (but not at the time) to say, “Wait. Are you going out like that? Uhm, it really doesn’t look good on you.” We then stop in our tracks, scan our outfit, and then act in one of two ways. We either realize our fashion faux pas and change OR we scoff, and walk on out the door to brave the criticism.
A similar scenario plays out every day, but it doesn’t have to do with clashing colors but caustic conversations.
Christians, of all people, should NEVER stoop so low in a defense of their faith (or engaging in the public dialogue on a hot issue) that they would verbally attack or assassinate the character of another human being for the sake of "winning" an argument. Full Stop.
Sarcastic cheap shots are also out of bounds. Throwing biased (often unaware) temper tantrums doesn’t look good for us. People, of all stripes, on all social media platforms and in person, do it all the time, but Christ-followers should NEVER do it. Full stop.
It's intellectually lazy to reach for an “ad hominem club" when all of one's simplistic and often brittle responses/arguments fail to stand up to another’s scrutiny, question, challenge, or point of view.
Christians often arrogantly seek and claim absolute certainty of all of their viewpoints as the standard for their positions. There is an absolute certainty, and God is the only one who absolutely knows what it is. He is omniscient. We are not. No, seriously. Read that again. He is omniscient. We are not. We have to interpret EVERYTHING. And we don’t always get it right. However, Christian who claim they are on the same plane as God and can know without a shadow of a doubt that every one of their theological positions of faith is 100% accurate would be the ones who would articulate, “The totality of all that I know equals the totality of all there is to know.” That is complete arrogance. It seems that their identity and worth as a human being is on the line. Many times it is.
If Christians take the above position instead of listening to others in order to fully understand and then humbly offering reasonable counterpoints (which can be done with confidence, just not certainty), it just may lead to Christians resorting to that back alley defense of their faith every time. When one gets backed into a corner, the fight or flight mechanism in our amygdala gets triggered, and we go on the attack instead of listening more intently, asking better questions, or offering a more reasonable defense of one’s faith. And that is the best we can offer: a reasonable defense; just not a certain one.
Let’s be honest, can we? There are some real conundrums in Christianity. There are inconsistencies in the Bible: How many women were at the tomb? Have you ever read I & II Chronicles and compared those accounts to ones in I & II Kings and I & II Samuel? They don’t line up a lot of the time. There are honest gut-wrenching questions that even the most faithful followers throughout the centuries have asked with no absolute-certain answer. When we act like there is “nothing to see here” or fail to concede that there are parts of the Bible that are difficult for 21st-century humans to grasp, we don’t strengthen our case and we definitely don’t make Christ more desirable to follow for a non-believer. Uhm, it really doesn’t look good on you.
We often find ourselves in what can be described as a tug of war between two belief systems. In a tug of war, both sides know that they can’t win if they give up any ground at all. So we hold that rope with our life is on the line kind of grip and we concede nothing. We put on that “there are no questions, no doubts, and no reason to further examine the Bible and the Christian faith than just believe.
Following the great commission to “Go and make disciples” is NOT a game tug of war. It’s a relationship that we have with other human beings who are seeking to make sense of their reality. We have to be honest. God is not dethroned nor the kingdom of Jesus thwarted by having honest conversations. In the verse that precedes the exhortation of Jesus to make apprentices (28:18-20), there is this reality: “When they (disciples) saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted” (17). Doubted with Jesus standing right there? How could they? And he didn’t scold them.
Rest in the fact that there are indeed holes, fallacies, contradictions, and inconsistencies in all positions, every worldview, and any perspective. We are humans with finite and very limited perspectives. We all (every human) are seeking to make sense of our reality on this incredible blue ball flying through space (that was debated by the church in the 15th century). All every human being uses a storyline or a narrative as a key or a map to help with that reality sense-making. We, Christians, use the story of the gospel of Jesus that he died and rose again for our salvation as our map to better understand the territory of what it means to be human. Others don’t buy that at all. They use another map with a different narrative. It may be a Buddhist story or an atheistic secular humanist tale or a Nihilist’s construction (sadly, that won’t last long). Some humans, perplexed and possibly even paralyzed by all the perspectives, even try to just sit it out and sigh with dispair, “I just don’t know.” We call them agnostic. I can appreciate them. At least they are honest. (In reality, you can’t just sit it out because the storyline of life influences everything you do and all decisions you make. But I get it.)
What Christians have to understand is that we don’t have the unequivocal or absolute storyline according to all other positions. We can’t just point to the Bible and say, “See there! Discussion over. Nothing else to talk about. Accept the absolute truth of God’s word.” The Bible has ZERO weight or life-changing influence on someone who doesn't accept the Bible as the authoritative and unequivocal standard. This is because a Muslim will point to his Holy book, and say, “See there! Discussion over. Nothing else to talk about. Accept the absolute truth of the Koran.” The next gal comes up and says, There is absolutely no deity at all. It’s all fiction in your minds. Everything we see and experience is a result of blind chance from an eternal universe.”
So what do you do then? Play theological Rocks, Paper, Scissors? But which takes which and how?
That is the hardest point of reality that many Christians can’t seem to understand. So if they can’t win the argument, they end up reaching for that ad hominem club and start swinging away. Quit! Please! It doesn’t really look good on you. And it’s definitely doesn’t look good for the revolution of love in the Kingdom of God that Jesus came to unleash.
In addition, and more importantly, it’s not playing well with the young disciples WITHIN our churches and homes. They are watching us. Insisting that we have the unequivocal, absolute certain truth and there is nothing to question here is essentially shoving these young faith-renting followers of Jesus right out the FRONT door of the church. We must seek to understand THEN be understood. We must listen and engage, NOT rant and shake the dust off our feet or wash our hands of the matter. Too often we make discussions an either/or instead of a both/and. There are times that it is either/or, like “that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures” (I Cor 15:3-4). But there are other theological positions (most of which have created a multitude of denominations) that are not a slam dunk and might lend itself to more of a both/and, such as Christian can BOTH accept Genesis as an origin account AND accept the current scientific understanding of cosmology. That doesn’t mean that all points will be accepted without question; far from it. But it does mean that we can accept the Bible communicates the WHO and not the HOW and that science can speak to the HOW but not the WHO or their philosophical WHAT. Both can easily get out of one’s lane. The ancient writer of Genesis could never communicate about physics, chemistry, biology. And Scientists need to be honest when they offer philosophical opinions or conclusions as facts; they are not. There are good Jesus-loving Christians who accept both and seek to bring glory to God.
Besides, we aren't called to win arguments. We are called to be light, to serve all, to love everyone (neighbor and enemy alike), to take every thought captive, and to be the image-bearers of the Creator of the Universe. And yet we are also encouraged to be prepared to engage in discussion about weighty matters, to give a reason for the hope (not certainty) that we have … but it absolutely must be done in a way that others will see God in us. It must be done humbly and with love. And yes, we may get ostracized, marginalized, and definitely criticized. Again, it doesn’t do any good for furthering the message of Jesus to scream, “Foul! Not fair! We are being persecuted! You evildoer” Instead, offer the other cheek. We will even learn something ourselves.
Being light, being a servant, and a lover of all people seems to be missing from a lot of Facebook, other social media, and even face-to-face diatribes. Dropping scripture bombs and walking away is not how to do it. Those tactics won’t score any heavenly points and they definitely will not open the door wider for your atheist neighbor, agnostic cousin, Hindu coworker, or that young disciple in your church or home who is doubting their faith so much that they are ready to chuck it all. Recall we are to go into the world to make disciples not “disgruntles.”
So what does good on you? Peter writes in his first letter, "Live such good lives among the pagans (people who don’t get Jesus) that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us" (2:12). I love this. Peter is depicting that there is a continuing relationship. In addition, he later writes, "But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander. For it is better, if it is God’s will, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil (3:15-18)..
Give an answer. And may it be reasonable, well-thought-out, and sound. And it is often said with much confidence. Did I say reasonable? But I didn’t say certain or absolute. When certainty is your standard, you have no room for any question or doubt. None. Confident leaves room for mystery. I don’t have to win that tug-of-war game. I may even lose that day but it doesn’t shake me. And we can go out for breakfast the next week and continue growing the relationship even deeper.
“Check out a video conversation between William Lane Craig and
https://peacefulscience.org/wlc-responds-ham/ ”
When was the last time that someone who disagreed with your answer to your hope, of why you believe walked away appreciating the conversation because of how you acted? That is how an apprentice of Christ behaves cause that is how Christ behaved. Isn’t it crazy that those on the outside of the kingdom couldn’t wait to get near Jesus. How often does that happen with us?
I love this little saying I use and live by: "Your walk talks and your talk talks, but your walk talks louder than your talk talks.” Say it as fast as you can. It’s sorta fun. No, it’s really fun.
If your walk (or HOW you engage when you talk) doesn’t communicate and even scream the beauty of Christ and the wonder of God, then don’t talk. Seriously, shut your mouth. You may think you are standing up for the Kingdom of God. No, you are not. What you say communicates volumes. But it is how you say it, how you counter when being attacked in a heated argument, how you act when you don’t think anyone is looking, or how you respond when someone lands a point that you don’t have a sound response for that matters. That is your walk. And your walk (the how) communicates 100x in magnitude.
Many Christians seem to win the war in one conversation. I want to have a tenth conversation. And that can only happen when your walk talks louder than your talk talks. Uhm, it really doesn’t look good on you.
We build trust with other humans in drips but we lose trust in buckets. It takes time to build trust. It takes many conversations. It takes many acts of service. it takes many demonstrations of love. Jesus said, “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:35). Your walk talks louder than your talk talks.
Paul wrote to the Colossian and Laodicean churches, “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone (Col 4:6). Our engagement with others must be constructive, engaging, and reasonable. It should never be a street brawl or a character assassination. Uhm, it really doesn’t look good on you.
Yes, respond to those who may not understand God, what it means to be a Christ-follower, or the hope we have. Please do. But do so in humility, with confidence, using a reasonable response, with gentleness and respect, in a way that leaves a good taste in someone’s mouth.
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If you want to learn more, explore deeper issues, and develop REASONABLE responses to those who may ask you, check out my Animated Apologetic Videos (They’re pretty good) blog entry that has a bunch of resources for you.
